Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that dark nights and tiredness, demotivation and loneliness are not infinite. We have been told it a thousand times, we read it in magazines, in inspirational quotes, and it sinks in for a brief moment before we forget it all over again. We wake up, struggle, find ourselves heavier under the weight of the day and of the things we still have to plan, the night comes too quickly and before we know it, it is another day with more to do. At certain points, the world and more specifically our world seems almost void of personality and choice and perhaps most of all… time. So it’s not surprising that we tend to feel flat, and feel as though someone is handing us a butter knife to fight an armoured tank.
There is no straight and simple answer to the question “How do we stop it?” when discussing this particular mental affliction, there never is. In fact, the closest thing to a simple answer would be to not give up hope, but after practising staying optimistic, believing in the positive for so long only to be hit one more time, it’s not so easy. Instead, here’s the complicated answer: Learn how to get up after the fall again.
Think about it, you’re sitting at home, the room is silent because the music has stopped but you had never realised it had been playing anyway, let alone that it had finished because you are just sitting, staring blankly, both in-the-world and out of it. You wake up from your lucidity and look around at the silence, you realise the happiness you were so close to has fallen short again, and it plays with your mind. You hate these mood swings, so unpredictable, so impossible, and so without knowing it, the tears come. They fall, maybe they fall into the arms of a friend, either way, they fall and you hate it. It tires you, physically drains you, “Not again,” you say out loud. You wonder how many times you can fall and get back up because your back feels heavier each time. But don’t be mistaken the weight that makes you feel so heavy is not there because you have fallen again, but because you have already gotten up so many times, and that weight is the weight of everything that still awaits you once you have found your feet again. Each time you fall, you find a new reason to stand, that’s the heavy, that’s the weight. Remember that.
Remember that when you’re sensitive and paranoid, it just means you care.
Remember that you are a human, skin, veins, bones, brain, heart, lung, kidney. You are a walking phenomenon, we forget that so much, we are living, we are thinking, we are intelligent, we are loving and we barely understand any of it, but that doesn’t make us any less astounding.
Remember that even if you do believe in fate, as I do, there is no such thing as just one fate, and your life certainly isn’t lost because one person leaves it.
Remember that you are everything you need.
You are everything you need. You are capable, you are strong and even if you were alone for a thousand days, you could build a city if you wanted.
Fall. Rise. Fall. Rise. Fall some more and fall again, rise higher and higher and give yourself more reason to feel heavy because remember, that weight is just the weight of everything you are worth, everyone that loves you, and everything you still have left to do.
Find your feet. Stand. Be brave.